Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Sneak Peak at my Memoirs

In light of recent revelations about James Frey's methods for memoir writing, I thought I'd make a few tweaks, a few emendations to my as yet unpublished memoirs:

First, affect a strong Ocker accent in my writing as part of "my voice."

Then, include the following events, which I'd somehow overlooked when trolling my memory for meaningful material:

>Got the scar on my upper lip when attacked by a savage dingo while on a six-month walkabout - age four.

>Skipped school regularly to wrestle crocs with me mates, leaving me with those long scarring lacerations on both sides of my left arm.

>Worked an oil rig as a welder on the north west shelf off the coast of Western Australia for 16 months to make money for college; at night we drank a case of Emu Export Lager each and took turns jumping off the rig with a rope tied around our ankles so we could climb back up.

>Worked my way through college at Bob Jones University by selling firearms to various South American rebel groups.

>During the nine months I spent in Korea, I wasn't really teaching English: I was teaching Aussie street fighting techniques to Korean gangs in exchange for learning how to make illicitly distilled soju.

>My seven-year battle with an embarrassing addiction to huffing Vick's Vapor Rub in the middle of client meetings.

I know there's more. I just hafta keep digging. Should you dare contest any of this, well, of course, I'm gonna hafta throw down on you.

(In the spirit of, um, honesty, this post was inspired by this one over at Minor Tweaks.)

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