A couple samples:
"The GAP had a sign that they're looking for 'Motivated Go-Getters.' What motivated go-getter wants to fold shirts? They should be looking for 'Friendly Idiots.'"It's hard to stop reading.
"So they sent me a letter saying he'd been stabbed and was dead, and I just went looney tunes. But they were graceful enough to write back and say they were mistaken."
"I think from now on I'm only going to speak in expired slang."
Girl: " I hope we don't get there and you go, 'Oh, now I remember her -- I hate her!'"
Guy: "No, I'm pretty good at remembering the names of people I hate."
Computer Geek Enjoying An Aranciata: "That's weird. It's like an Orangina without the particulate matter."